VALIDATION

What we all want, what we may need but can definitely live without.

A plethora of individuals live life with the notion of an existent ‘them” serving as jury for their every move. Funny enough, we are so blindsided by that reality that we can’t even tell that all we’re focused on is our myopia.

Validation is not just respect; it is intrinsic acknowledgement for whatever it is we need it for. It plays out in various spectrums of relationships from familiar to more formal settings.

Validation is not necessary to survive, but one can become dependent on it, and it becomes a clutch for our esteem and how we view ourselves. In some instances, it may be important to help build how  we feel.

Validation works in different ways; for certain individuals, it starts with people one is comfortable around to strangers. For some others, they are very much bothered about everyone’s perception of them. So, they are not just focused on the opinion of the collective few; rather, the opinion of everyone outside themselves.

This cannot be classified as good or bad because it is circumstantial, depending on how much validation one needs to depend upon in order to acknowledge their intrinsic self.

The fear of being judged too hastily or harshly keeps many in this restrictive mannerism. How do I mean? For example, being scared to dress in a certain way because you don’t want to be misconstrued as representing something that you are not trying to portray.

The effect of this rationale is genuine, except when you can trace that it bothers you because you want to conform to an imagery you think is expected of you, maybe based on your socio-cultural background.

For instance, wearing an anklet is often perceived as being wanton and wild, not to mention promiscuous. Where I am from, it is funny that I met someone who believed that women who wore anklets were lesbians😩.

It is laughable what people perceive and validate, but caving under the pressure of an ever-changing perception is just a waste of time. Before now, I used to be apologetic if someone expressed displeasure at certain actions I took, to the point that I tried to tuck that part of me away to conform. Now, I am very happy to disappoint. I am still working on my people-pleasing tendencies, though, but at least now disappointing certain expectations is on the table.

Validation is largely part perception and part acknowledgement. We will likely not validate what we are not aware of. We most likely will not validate what we cannot relate to; the extent of our validation is dependent on the level of exposure we have and the sum total of our individual experiences.

The quality of validation is also dependent on who is acknowledging. For me, I feel better complimented when it is coming from friends and family than strangers. So validation feels good, but it is important to remember that it does not have to be defining, nor is it necessary to veto your ideal of existence.

Tschuss,

Dcconoisseur.