One of my favourite K-dramas to date is “It’s Okay to Not Be Okay”. More like permission to feel everything you feel without beating yourself up for not being better.
This post is similar but in a different direction. When you are a Type A person, you want everything to work out to plan. You end up fixing things not just for yourself but even for others, and it takes its toll eventually.
First, you create an image of yourself that is almost incurable. Second, you almost start to believe you are invincible; you are not. If anything, it is human to be weary, to not have things figured out, to struggle a bit, to watch your plan tumble along.
When you are a very efficient person, you may find it hard to ask for help either because you are used to doing everything yourself, or because you have very few people who can deliver your standard of excellence, or you just have a complex where you think you are the only one who can help others. It may also point to trust issues.
The thing about being in this situation is that sometimes, you don’t even give others the space to show up for you. In other instances, you stretch yourself so thin that you become resentful when you notice the very people you go above and beyond for will not even reciprocate with what you consider the bare minimum.
As a rule of thumb, it is better to give what you know you don’t mind being uncompensated for than to go above and beyond with expectations.
The other part of this is how you believe in yourself; you challenge yourself to always be better, better than what? You strive for perfection, the one you are not even sure you want to attain. This results in a constant gasp for the next best thing while feeling dissatisfied at whatever level because you haven’t quite “arrived” yet.
Your value is not all tied to efficiency and functionality. In this context, be useless. Use yourself less than burn out. Give what doesn’t rob your soul of rest, expect less of yourself, encourage others to do even less of that expectation because there are just certain seasons when you cannot deliver 100 per cent, and that is okay.
Don’t be the one punishing yourself for your inability to do more when you are particularly struggling.
This is not for everyone. It takes a certain level of security in your identity to arrive at this point. Also, this is not propaganda against conscious self-improvement; rather, it is a reminder that you are good enough even when you can’t serve everyone or when you cannot even live up to some of your expectations of yourself.
It is okay to take a moment for nothing, heading nowhere. Sometimes, drop the ball just because.
Ps: I am not giving anyone advice.
Xoxo,
Dcconoisseur.
