Reminders are better than principles
If you’re serious, you know how easily you covet jovial people and their easygoing nature. You want to be the funny one, but you don’t want to be laughable; that’s the exact measure of joviality: laughing and being laughed at without taking either too seriously.
Knowing how to express glee may be an underrated skill, or is there no right way to express it? I doubt it. If you find something funny, you’ll most likely laugh out loud, or at least chuckle. Some of us never seem to rejoice commensurately because we have been taught to hide joy, or even doubt or undermine it.
Another reason is that we are never satisfied, so when we finally get what we have always longed for, we celebrate briefly, sometimes half-heartedly, and feel ready to move on to the next best thing. Maybe, in some ways, it is a form of insecurity: we feel that if we don’t constantly pursue happiness and hoard it by stockpiling, we may run out of it- a scarcity mindset about good things.
Maybe we have this scarcity mindset because we all know we run out of time at some point, and the suspense of not knowing exactly when makes us want to binge on all the happiness we can aspire to, and maybe attain, before it is game over. It could also be that we aren’t so good at staying in the present; we always seem to want to reach a happier place in the future or maul over a terrible past, which we can just tweak a bit.
Back to why we express joy half-heartedly and how it may connect to fear of being vulnerable. It’s like this: if I am too happy and the source of that happiness ends, what’s left might be shame, absence, or longing. Sometimes, comparing yourself to others can influence this, too. For example: ‘Why should you rejoice over buying an old Ford when some people are driving a brand-new Ferrari?’
I have been asked pretty often. Are you happy? Each time, I hesitate to say yes because, in part, I think happiness is ephemeral and, in some contexts, unnecessary. What I would rather say is that I am content, or maybe I just overthink it. Maybe I don’t say yes because I am not happy, or because my perfectionistic mind always keeps happiness in the future.
For example, how can I say I am truly happy when I don’t already live in the versions of myself I have in my head? This is the exact point I am trying to make about happiness being futuristic. In this context, is it not okay to be happy with the imperfect version of you that exists now? Or is it that if it is not as perfect or complete as we imagined, we couldn’t possibly be truly happy?
For example, if someone asks, “Are you happy?” and you remember a fight with your partner or all the things you dislike about your relational state, doesn’t that mean you can’t truly be happy when this part of your life is still struggling? Will there ever be a time when you are not struggling one way or the other?
So, is happiness the absence of struggle?
This post isn’t exactly about happiness, but happiness is the key concept for this analysis. It is more of a constructive reminder about letting joy in without overthinking, without waiting for sadness because you are sure it will come at some point, without comparing not just to others but even to your idealistic self of where you should be and what you should be achieving at whatever stage of life you think you are.
It is like this: you are journeying far away without being sure when you will arrive at your destination or in what state. All you have is hope that it will be good and that you will like where you eventually end up, but you get beautiful glimmers along the way. A little rainbow here, a little sunshine after the rain there, warm shelter from a cold storm,
The idea is to experience glee when you see the rainbow and truly enjoy the colours. That won’t be the time to worry about why the rain was so heavy that it almost drowned your existence, whether more rain will fall soon, or whether this is your last rainbow.
That rainbow moment is about acknowledging the source of happiness and receiving it with gratitude. It is about party attitude, dress up, mingle, dance to the music, eat good food, drink, talk loud over the music, forget your problems, and just have a good time. Yes, you’ll leave the party at some point because life isn’t a constant party, but you may also get to experience another party, a different kind. It is like birthdays, weddings or funerals, raves or concerts.
More importantly, it is about realising when to host a party and how to set the theme! How to bring the glee, or when it should be about a carnival instead. It is a reminder not to hold back on joy. Belly laugh, throw your head back, and hold your stomach till it feels like tears will drop from the corners of your eyes. Share this moment with others so they can catch your joy and bask in its warmth…
If you are in doubt about whether you should be celebrating, that is your sign to do it! Everything is worth celebrating if your goal is to throw a party.
Party along the way.
With ❤️,
Dcconoisseur.
Ps: I hope you are not reading this post thinking that it’s about partying. It is a metaphor for life and the ambience for joy.😌
