Reacting

It is a regular day, and I am scrolling through LinkedIn when I encounter a post on emotional intelligence based on a video of a toddler (boy) who was hit with a stick by another toddler (female). He expressed his hurt, crouched to pick up the stick, and raised it to hit the girl back, but eventually walked away.

Of course, with this kind of post comes the “we can not control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond to it” These reminders are necessary because sometimes, when life happens, we internalise so much negativity that we believe we must have contributed in some ways to have misfortune knocking on our doorsteps. More so when we experience abuse or unfair treatment.

The sentence that caught my attention in this post, however, was “emotions are information”. I think this is one of the most profound narratives of emotion I have ever come across. It is similar to saying that emotions are feedback rather than understanding emotions as an identity.

As a woman, this distinction is quite pivotal because we often hear that we are “emotional beings”, as though being emotive is not a trait peculiar to humans. Oftentimes, this is also vocalised derogatorily.

For the longest time, I have taken a defensive position when someone says to me that I am being emotional, especially when it comes from a misogynistic viewpoint. I often saw it as a debasing recommendation of femininity, as though it is an exclusion from rationality, which I find extremely infuriating and condescending coming from such an obviously limited understanding.

Emotions are information that makes me realise certain key distinctions: the first of which is that emotion is not an identity; as such, I am separable from my emotions. Second, emotions are an indicator of an event happening or in the past. So the question is: if emotions are information, why do I try to avoid them?

For example, why do I avoid feeling rejected? Why does it hurt when I feel left out of something I really wanted to be a part of? Is that FOMO?

In certain instances, do emotional reactions end up being indicative of personality over a certain period of time? Further, why is it that we cling to an emotional state instead of receiving feedback and moving on? Why do we sometimes allow an emotional state to dictate our reaction to such an extent that it may be perceived that we are controlled by our emotions?

Emotions are present in every facet of our living. It is almost as if it is connected with everything we do. When you decide on one food or the other, it may be dependent on your emotional state. So it is interesting that we dissect emotions from logic when they are part of the same tunnel.

Relating to emotions as a data set may help us process our feelings more accurately. For instance, observing the input of your trigger may help you translate exactly what moment or word tipped you over. This post is about understanding emotions in a way that allows you to embrace them without the need to run away, wear them as an identity or see them as distractions from logic.

So the next time someone says you are being emotional, I think it is right to say, ‘So are you.’ Intellectual sagacity does not make you more logical; burying your emotions without expressing them doesn’t make you less emotional. Being female does not give you exclusive autonomy on emotionality, and being male does not exclude you. If anything, how you react is just a form of data processing.

As to whether there is a right or wrong way to emote, that’s a different subject matter which I am not predisposed to in this post. This is just a reminder that Emotions are not identity. There is no shame in crying if you feel overwhelmed; there is no award for burying your feelings; and being emotional does not mean you are incapable of logic.

Xoxo,

Dcconoisseur.