“See finish” is a Nigerian colloquial used especially in romantic relationships to depict a state of closeness to one’s partner such that disrespect is almost common place.
It is said, “the closer you get to something, the harder it is to see it”.
These days almost everyone has a channel that discusses what to do in a toxic relationship, how to walk out on a narcissist, how to get your self respect back, how to ghost the person that is not treating you right, how to glow up by getting fit, working out in the gym and building a revenge body.
Do you know what we don’t have enough people discussing? how to survive a happy relationship.
In my analysis chaos is easier to orchestrate than order, peace is harder than war. Do you know why swiping is exciting? there is the continuous expectation of excitement, the endless possibility of novelty, the assurance of replacement without much investment.
The romantic optics from Hollywood and harlequins is that you expect fairytale to be reality, you see love from a spectrum of expressions, the lens shifts to what the other person is bringing to the table, if they are being appreciative of the prize that you are, if they are ready to put in the effort to obtain you, if they understand what a privilege it is to be with a person like you who has put in work to be here in the name of self love.
It is laughable that when we tag people as red flags, we forget to tag ourselves too. In the name of all things civilised, we have become even more selfish with our approach to living and loving. We are quick to block people, tag them as undeserving of our attention because they are not matching our energy and just generally being about our happiness.
The thing about being in a healthy relationship is that you do not get to hide; vulnerability is the order of the day, you are constantly challenged to show up and show up correctly, you do not get to apportion blame, you are forced to look in the mirror first, you are compelled to communicate with respect and honor because you recognize that this person who is choosing you deserves the best as you do.
You find yourself asking if it is always meant to be easy, then, you realize it is difficult in a different way, now, you have to be responsible for keeping this flow going, refusing the urge to self sabotage, refusing to take the peace and quiet for granted in the name of looking for excitement.
You are forced to learn discipline and this has nothing to do with externalities. The first discipline you learn is how to accept your lot, the responsibility for your life and love story, the discipline to work things, to fix the reality you don’t like, to keep closing your eyes in a dream until the inside word matches the one you wake up to. The discipline to choose kindness because every seed you sow you reap precisely if you are lucky.
What is true love? It’s in the doing that you will figure it out, for you must first be love to give love. See finish is the price you pay for the knowledge of intimacy, it’s a different territoriality of respect even though it most times seem disrespectful.
See finish is a certain kind of humility that comes with knowing you are not all that but you are still worthy of love. See finish is what maintenance look like because when you don’t chase novelty you are forced to replace broken parts with new things. To cut and style, to design, to fashion new combinations from existing outfit.
I spent so much time worrying about the familiarity and disrespect long term relationship seems to breed that I forgot the other side, familiarity is the price we pay for intimacy. Mystery only takes us so far.
Is it for everyone this “see finish” ? No, at least not in the context of romantic relationships but see finish is what you see when you wait long enough. If anything we are all waiting somewhere or waiting to wait somewhere but today is not for definition rather for acceptance that reality comes with choices and somehow we all make them.
Xoxo,
Dcconnoisseur.
Connoisseur of Memories 