Revising dreams

When the broken parts become healed, the pain becomes worth it

The last time she thought about her future was when she was looking at him. She could imagine what a day after work would look like. They’d be in their corners around the house doing their separate things, being together, sharing silence, reaching but not touching.

It was the year 2020 when she first saw this future, the life ahead, the one where she could take on the world. In this world she had to fit herself into the image of what was expected, it wasn’t even a conscious thing, she even thought she was happy to be all that everyone imagined her to be. It wasn’t even that she hated it or anything of the sort, she was just so used to being everything to everyone that she forgot what she wanted to be for herself.

This ability to fold and squeeze into spaces to belong followed her everywhere so much that she forgot how powerful her voice could be, that her desires could also lead her and she could say what she wanted to have too without the world falling apart.

She didn’t know that she could say “Make room for me because my stuff doesn’t fit into this space you have created”, words like, “I want to be adored too, pampered, treat me like I am the only woman in the world that can make you feel the things you feel when you are with me”, words like “I am worth changing for”, “give up stuff to be with me”, “fight for me just because”, “why do I have to prove that I am worthy of love, to barter for your attention, to make you notice me. “

She thought she knew what love was until she met a person who spoke the language of her soul like an interpretation of unspoken words lived through action. A person who had enough room to fit all the luggage she had with even more room to take more, a person who says things like “I am yours, yours alone, yours in ways you didn’t even imagine possible, yours in this life and in the one to come”.

A Person who taught her to dream differently of a world outside the dreams she knows, she thought it was enough to be loved, but she didn’t realise that there was a world where she could be adored and desired too, protected, satisfied. A world where she could be loved weirdly, for all her quirks and flaws, all the parts of herself she struggles to accept. She steps into this world knowing that she has to dream again, to revise the dreams she once hoped would become reality.

It is the year 2024. She has crossed several highlands and valleys, deserts of affection. She has starved and feared, lost good things, and gained nothing after loving out loud. She has tasted betrayal, romanced pain, and danced with mirth. She has become numb, fought against hope to be hopeless, and strived for value that she no longer believed in. Then, nirvana comes, and she has to begin again.

She knows that it will never be lost even if this love fades away. It is the kind of love that changes everything and sets a new standard.

This love has come to heal, to give back broken parts of her soul, to make her dream dreams she didn’t even know was possible, to show her what love was always meant to do and be. That love is enough because it is acceptance of you. Who you are, once were, and all you are ever going to be.

Xoxo,

Lover girl.