ARCHETYPE WOMAN

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The average conversation with the male folk on the challenges of living as a woman is often met with an offhand dismissal. It is often surmised to be a frivolous attempt at attracting attention.

I want to believe it is as a result of individuals (male gender specifically) oblivion to the plight of women. So, let me be your tour guide on this adventure.

Imagine going out for a stroll, dressed casually with every intention to enjoy nature; the cool breeze, chirping birds, car honk, generator sound from neighbouring houses… as you move further away from clustered areas, next thing you know, the catcall starts rolling in.

What is most humorous is that you are expected to remain decorous and even though you are pissed, you are to take it as a compliment. Why even bother protesting when some catcall advances into groping; when it will be deemed as an overreaction?

That’s just one way of looking at it, another perspective is the manner of dressing. What one was wearing to warrant the catcall. Remember, I said: “casually” above. Yet…😩

Again, reflect on how certain individuals are ready to take advantage of your gender. This is because a handful of men view women as objects for pleasure.

Secondly as ‘weaker vessels’. These people, often expect that your being sexually active, means that you are not opposed to all forms of solicitation. Let’s not even discuss the endless possibilities of the slut shaming that awaits you, should you be lured.

Muse over living your life in constant validation of a man’s appetite. How to appear decent. My friend says: ‘play likability politics’; basically, trying to downplay your feminity in order to be taken seriously for a role you are already qualified for.

More often than not, there is a chance that dressing in an appealing manner will be regarded as seductive or whoring in order to compensate for your lack of dexterity (honestly, the standard here is arbitrary, it is more about the appraisers’ moral quotient) so save your breathe, you can never win here.

While contemplating this, you have to factor in the spec of every possible man… If not, how can you say you were considerate of a male’s libido? (I find it ironic that what a woman wears is very pivotal to how her moral standing is accessed. Yet, we have terrorist fully clothe, and what is in issue, is the act of terrorism and not the moral standing of the perpetrator).

I cannot be categorical about this statement, but I will make it anyways. I don’t think there is one woman alive who hasn’t contemplated the possibility of being raped. We live in that constant reminder that our bodies aren’t just ours to own; it could be shared amongst willful  participants forcefully. There is always this subconscious fear of losing ourselves that way or again, if we have fallen victim.

If rape occurs, we are asked what role we played in making this dream come true. Timeously, everyone decides, including strangers, to piece together characteristics we possess that makes us ripe for rape. How we are too outspoken, too bold, too everything. Never mind that we didn’t choose the design of our bodies… then, there are the “apologists” who can explain why one qualified.

I had this very close male friend back in freshman year, that told me about a friend of his who thought, I was too vivacious and will likely be tamed by rape. Of course I don’t need to explain how I avoided the guy like plague(I wasn’t even this aware then). It is appaling that in the event of rape, the victims make headlines as though without the victim, the rape wouldn’t have been made possible. There  is this culture of victim share responsibility that needs to stop

I have once sat in the gathering of learned colleagues who advocated that being too vocal as a woman reduces your chances of being a married to a man. Or is it the wide spread belief that women are often illogical and prone to exaggeration…

Think about how women have to bend over in every sphere. As a boss, you must be ablebalance professionalism and femininity in order not to appear domineering. It is often argued that women aren’t fit to be in position of authority because men are, and will always be smarter than women.

Furthermore, they don’t need all the breaks that women need like beauty routine, maternity leave, mood swings, cramps… I often ask when confronted with this ideology, if values have gender.

As a wife, you must have unflinching support for your husband even if that will cost you your individuality. Someone once told me that, “as a woman, my role was to keep my home together and family even if my husband was misbehaving”. This is the making of the plot of gruesome stories that end up in brutality.

As a mother, you have to live your life for the child. Give up your dreams. If not, you have failed as a woman. It is expected that you nurture them yourself. This expectation ectends beyond values instilled to physical presence; supervising that the values sown, germinates.

It is baffling that when these issues are raised, it is waived as trivial despite the fact that, it is the epicenter of a woman’s reality.

Some very enlightened persons, make a show of how not all men behave reprehensibly. The irony of that narrative, is that it is supposed to be from the viewpoint of a woman. Yet, the veracity of the woman’s experience is reduced to the male perspective of its worthiness.

In the light of all that is happening in the world today, it is almost impossible not to live in fear of being a woman.

This is not even because of the victimization of women, but the fact that women are still found blameworthy because the society can justify why one should suffer for being a feminine.

The journey continues…It is in every dialogue of a woman’s journal.