If you ask anyone, what is a common pursuit we all imitate? The answer will likely be, the pursuit of happiness, from different directions, but technically the same destination. In this pursuit, we are well aware that happiness is not what we need. In fact, more often than not, to be happy, you don’t need happiness.
What I mean is this, let’s say your happiness looks like a medical degree where you give your life to serve humanity by performing amazing brain surgery like Ben Carson or just being a family heathcare practitioner, hapiness is the last thing you’d be feeling when you have to study for all those exams, or when you are on call, or when you have to perform a high stake operation. Essentially, in this case, to be happy and stay happy, you will need discipline, grit, determination, and whatever else that is not as fun as being happy. Ultimately, it forms happiness, but that isn’t what you necessarily want when you sign up to be happy; it is, nonetheless, what you get.
Happiness, if anything, is fleeting. It is littered with little moments and certain memories. To be happy in the context of the above example would be the day you finally graduate medical school, and then all the other little moments like passing a test, the exams, and enjoying the discovery in each class that makes you feel closer to your dream. Then, maybe at some point, seeing the paycheck on your first payday and subsequent professional success, and maybe finally being able to give back through your first successful surgery that made a huge difference in the life of a family, friend, or stranger.
Yet, these are but moments. Which, in essence, doesn’t really mean much because life is, anyway, a bunch of moments, but what is important to emphasise is the fact that happiness is not the functionality of our lives, even though it may enhance it. In fact, we do not need to be happy to get anything done. Happiness is great, but not necessary, and this seems counterintuitive to the common pursuit we all share.
I think essentially we equate happiness with ease and bliss. When life feels like a dream or too good to be true. Colours are bright, each day brings one closer to an adventure, there is always almost a reason for laughter, no form of discomfort, pain or element of sadness.
This seems like what happiness will feel and look like, but it is also possible that happiness means smiling when you can finally see your bed after a long day of peopling and hard work, finally being able to make the trip after months of planning and saving. Happiness may also be found in delayed gratification, in hopeful existence, and in the continuous pursuit of colourful moments, and even in the chasing of dreams that may never be actualised.
Happiness sometimes looks like hanging on even if it is by a thread. Delighting in simple things, finding purpose in pain, starting over, forgiving yourself, letting go, refusing to be defined by painful memories and circumstances.
Essentially, happiness could mean the earnest struggle to balance purpose with pain. You can still be happy without smiling constantly, being chipper, having all your dreams met, meeting all your targets, and achieving your vision board; you can still be happy even when all you seem to be doing is misunderstanding your partner and wondering how you made the choice to get with them in the first place. You can still be happy when your life doesn’t look as you think it ought to be.
This is not about false positivity or not being okay with not being okay and trying to find a silver lining in everything because you cannot just accept that sometimes, things happen in life that are just bad, unexplainable and unresolvable.
Rather, this is a reframe on happiness. This is about dissecting the existential reality of happiness or, if you will, the functionality of happiness. A redirection from the idea that to have a good life, you must be happy while at it. The idea that happiness is about smooth sailing and winning.
This term ‘being happy‘ should be replaced with the word ‘being joyful’; while they seem contemporaneous, they are miles apart in that while happiness is constantly changing and evolving, Joy is static, it is an indispensable state of mind where losing still feels like winning simply because you still exist. Joy is a mentality that makes room for even sorrow without much bearing on resolve.
You don’t pursue joy; it is always with you. Happiness is just a fleeting expression of the joy you already carry within, and this is why it can have different phases and meanings. Joy only comes from a reflective sense of value that is not ephemeral. The type that helps you view life in milestones and not just moments, the type that holds out almost like long suffering.
Okay, enough of this. Bottom line, you don’t always have to have it easy to be able to say I am happy. Because in the end, your happiness doesn’t have to look like another for it to be true.
Xoxo,
Dcconoisseur.
Connoisseur of Memories 