Now Gratitude

An Instagram post read: “No amount of regret changes the past, no amount of anxiety changes the future, but any amount of gratitude changes the present.”

I was in an hotel room on the eve of my birthday in a different country, recalling how I often dreamt of traveling for most part of my childhood without necessarily understanding what that meant or where precisely I wanted to see. In my head, it was the world, the whole wide world irrespective of how abstract that was to me then.

When we dream we are incapable of imagining the extent of the dream. I think we mostly just conceptualize the idea and then sketch the big picture. We miss out all the details because that is our limitation, we cannot control every turn. It is like setting out on a journey uncertain about the turns in the path, not knowing whether left or right is all there is but hoping that each turn leads us where we hope to arrive.

What does gratitude look like?

Gratitude is many things but it is a posture really. It is accepting that we don’t need to have everything on our wish list to be grateful, it is realizing that here and now is enough reason to be thankful.

It is not necessarily about positivism against all odds or trying to suppress negativism by whispering five thankful thoughts against one negative one. It is not about saying “today sucks but at least I have something to eat” either, even though that counts too.

It is just acknowledging that here is enough because the past cannot be altered and the future is an aspiration, definite, yet, unknown. Now is all we have.

I understand that for some, the present is exactly what they are trying to escape because it is so horrific.

How can anyone stay grateful when everything keeps tumbling down?

I wish I had a simple answer to that, but the answer is a choice, one that is often hard to make when push comes to shove. I have been distraught thinking all I am is a failure because I didn’t get the job I had been hoping for, never mind, that I had this new problem because one of my previous wishes came through.

I have woken up on some days bankrupt of gratitude because of experiences I wish I could erase but have to live with.

I think it is not that we are ungrateful, it is more that we find it hard to stay grateful when things are falling apart. Which is ironic because it should be easier to count our belongings when we start depleting them fast.

I heard somewhere that thinking we deserve good things limits our propensity for gratitude and I know this is quite a problematic ideology to sell because it requires deep thought so I am not even going to unpack that.

Rather, the focus is the little things we easily take for granted. Lips that smile, friends that come through, moments of laughter, pleasant hugs, the ability to wish and dream, to grow in hope, love and peace, the intangible things that we cannot substantiate with wealth.

While this post is not about toxic positivism and staying happy against all odds, it is a reminder that gratitude works too, that gratitude is perspective, and that gratitude can enhance our lives. Imagine a world where partners are grateful for each other daily, where employers are grateful for employees, and government for the lives of citizens.

The more we chase what we think we are missing the harder it is to appreciate those we have, and the unhappier we become. Maybe gratitude exists to bring us contentment even as we aspire for more.

As we draw close to the end of the year, before you conclude on how awful it went, maybe take a moment to practice gratitude. Position yourself for thanksgiving by writing or listing what makes you most grateful.

xoxo,

Dcconnoisseur.