Lesson from my Father

Today, I am on the side of parents.

As Millenials, we like to prioritize our mental health, self-care, self-love, over every other thing and as much as this is great, it leads to certain blind spots, we become too self-absorbed. We think everything is about us, we believe we are more evolved so we know better than all the generations before us.

While it is true that we are vastly improved psychologically, it doesn’t mean that we are the only ones that act right or have figured out the way of life. Older generations have some things figured out too. Some may be outdated, some may not really apply to our situation but most others do. Certain values are almost universal. Principles on Love, sacrifice, dedication, commitment, forgiveness, forbearance, patience, tolerance, and family values.

It is easier to hurt people closest to us than people we don’t know and that’s the irony of life. If we are not conscious, we end up taking people we love the most for granted because the closer we are a thing, the harder it becomes to see it.

Parents and guardians are like that, they weather the storm to give us a better life amidst difficulties and self-doubt, and they remain steadfast in removing the brunt from our lives. At least, that is the story for people who are fortunate to have sterling parents. Like every other person, they also are not perfect but because they are closest to us, we find it easier to pick their fault and tear them apart.

Where we may ordinarily extend understanding, we hold our parents to an almost impossible standard of no-fault, simply being perfect and more adult no matter the situation. Truth is, they equally want to be loved, adored, cared for, sacrificed for, protected, honored, and they deserve the safety of our validation.

My dad came back from a trip and even though I planned to welcome him from the airport, some other things came up and long story short, I ended up booking a uber for him home.

I noticed he was not his usual jovial self, he just withdrew and kept to himself. In my mind, I like why is my dad acting like the world has ended, at some point, I even figured he was being petty and making a mountain out of a molehill, at another time I was like, now I know where I got my silent treatment attitude from (maybe I should scratch out this part where I admit my emotional immaturity where it comes to communication)

Anyways, I swallowed the humble pie and decided to reach out because I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I was like dad, what’s up, why are we acting like strangers in the same house. Next thing, my dad just started spilling out all his pain and feelings even blaming himself for maybe being strict sometimes because he felt, I would never do that to my mom. It was a very emotional moment for me.

First, I was able to see my dad in a different light. I have never pegged my dad as an emotional person or affectionate even. I saw that he was truly hurt and this was not something he could really hold on to because as my father he is obligated to love me and accept me and even when I hurt him, he cannot deny me some privileges and that must be a very difficult position to be in as a person. To be obligated to never cancel someone even when they cause you pain.

Second, I was able to understand that he also has soft spots and predispositions to certain acts. There are things he considers as loving and even when I don’t appreciate them as much, I could do it for him because they make him happy. This goes way beyond what money can buy. Some things can never be replaced materially no matter how affluent and luxurious they present.

In short, everyone has a love language, yes, even our parents. Having the opportunity to be contrite and truly sorry made me realize that I had so many lapses even with how evolved I perceived myself to be. I realized, I still have a lot to learn about being sacrificial and being there for people I love the most especially when it matters. To at least try everything within my power to exert myself for them and just show how much they mean to me.

These events may not happen all the time but they can produce pleasant or unpleasant memories for future tale.

Moral lesson: Parents really do love their children, it is the most selfless kind of love. They may express it wrongly, they may not always get it right, they may even be inadequate as people, but sincerely, they cannot help but give the love they understand. Most times, they want their offspring(s) to be far better than they are.

For us millennials, the take-home is we are not the only evolved generation. it may be more advantageous for us to check out our self-absorption and adopt valuable principles that are ageless and ever true.

Thanks, dad. I promise I will do better moving forward.