WHY I AM A FEMINIST

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I am very deliberate about how I wear the feminism tag. Originally, it wasn’t one I would brandish in public. Within close circles however, my position was crystal.

I started out with the belief that individualism is superior to other kinds of “isms” and unequivocally, the only one that matters. In fact, I used to argue with my feminist friends, that it was a waste of time.

I figured that being a feminist was an exercise in futility and here’s why; men still hold majority of world share capital in terms of fiscal policies, men are still at the helm of political affairs. Men still own largely technological innovations that is the epicenter of the twenty first century commercial transactions.

Men still dominate certain sectors where capital reward is on the high side due to the high risk nature of the job. Furthermore, men still earn more than women in corporate societies.

For me, joining the feminism bandwagon was finding unnecessary ways to be labelled a ‘man hater’; an independent woman who is cold hearted, sealed from love and affection, ready to be a single mom. Largely, all things negative a woman can be as long as she is not subservient to male supremacy.

Then, there is the religious perspective, that proclaims subservience as the apparel of a virtuous woman. Consequently, the notion of feminism is anathema to faith. Well, that depends on what perspective of religion one is adopting.  The Christian religion particularly, in reference to the Proverbs 31 woman, makes feminism a blatant choice to be dessident.

There is also the angle of men who basically see women that are feminist as unappealing. I remember a guy I once had a conversation with in my undergraduate days, said he noticed that feminists, for instance, Chinamada Adichie, at some point, start sounding like a men… I have never been more gobsmacked than I was that day. It was a memorable night.

Furthermore, there are conversations with entitled men that make you feel like being a feminist is just stirring up trouble where there is none. Not to mention, some very radical ideals of feminism that makes non-extremist, cringe in shame at what feminism has become. It is lugubrious when some ignorant men and women give authoritative opinion about feminism lites. Trust me, I bow my head in shame when I meet such folks. What baffles me spectacularly, is the audacity of the dictum.

In essence, feminism is an advocacy for the equality of the sexes. That equality, entails a reference to the entire well being of the female gender. It includes the emotional, physical, psychological, biological, spiritual, and economical psyche.

Feminism has evolved over the years and expanded its frontiers to more mundane social issues. At its heart per contra, is the ability of a woman to choose her terms of living without being discriminated upon on the basis of gender or gender assigned roles.

What is most interesting to note is that the  freedom of choice varies from woman to woman. While some may be comfortable being a stay-at-home mom, another may decide to be a career woman. Also, one woman may decide to have kids and another may decide to never be a mother. What feminism advocates, is that all these choices should be acceptable.

Choices include: sexuality, body image, concept of motherhood, career path, leadership position, political office.

It is amazing, that we live in a society where different rules apply on the same moral issues. Expounding on this claim, will be a deviation from the intendment of this subject matter.

Men can be feminist too. In fact, I applaud men who are, because they are making a choice to be fair and equal. Feminism does not aim to upturn the intricately woven patterns of societal expectations. Rather, it seeks to improve them; to make it a more thriving environment for all.

I get pretty pissed when some men say that women exaggerate their stories. They are the “I don’t understand why women are ranting ‘geng'”. I once read an excerpt that said: “it is funny how every woman knows another woman that has been raped, but no man knows a rapist”. The veracity of this statement is very unnerving.

From a compilation of discussions with men from cross stations of life, I can categorically say this, men find it easy to dismiss the subjugation of women in whatever form simply because they don’t believe that other men are capable of acting degenerately. I honestly want to elucidate on this point, but I’d need an entire book to do that. So, moving on…

This is why I became a feminist…

I don’t think it is one event. It’s more a collection of events that finally led to me snapping.

One particular evening, I was wearing a sport shorts and a tank top, heading out to buy groundnut for my garri just across my lodge. As I was about to cross, a bike man passed and said to me: “bring out your breast, let me suck it”. I am translating in English as it was said in Yoruba. That statement, was a rude awakening. The impunity, the gut and the effontery made me realize that I was on the edge of an uneven scale. When I cited this event to a group of men in a conversation, it was lightly dismissed to the pedigree of the motorcycle rider. Their rationale was simply that that wasn’t a reasonable man. Quintessentially, this same issue plays out in more elitist environments.

The idea that a woman is an object for pleasure, the fact that men have a say on how a woman should dress or appear based on their preferences, the fact that women must act and behave in certain ways to be considered feminine, the hypocrisy in the standard for virtue, the fact that a man can be excused for being a man, but a woman is held accountable for not being woman enough, the fact that women are held to a higher standard of morals than a man especially as regards the keeping the family together when it is supposed to be a joint effort, the domestication of a woman, the deliberate peg on her dreams and aspirations, the fact that women are tagged emotional (irrational) beings, as opposed to logical as though, women don’t have mental acumen (this is cited for reasons why women cannot hold position of power), the fact that a woman who goes through rape is asked first, what were you wearing?

Statements like: “it is a man’s world” is grounded on the idea of male privilege and supremacy.

All these emotions rushed through me in that less than 15 minutes encounter of mine. I decided then and there,to first, live life on my own terms especially as a woman. Secondly, speak up for women that don’t know any better by arming them with the option of choice.

Feminism is a conscious choice for me to extricate myself from the burden of womanhood set by men. It is not something I need permission or acceptance to be, it is just what it is.
I am not going to wear a placard saying: “I am a feminist,give us equal rights”. I feel like that statement is unempowering, it indirectly saying: women need permission from men to live acceptably. No, the society is equally ours.

I don’t need to be a man to earn the right to call my shots. I don’t need to act like a man to be taken seriously. Being a woman, with all its quirks is not a weakness nor a disadvantage.

That’s why statements like these are
annoying: “you are smart for a girl”, “Beauty and brains”, “well behaved girl”. The fact is, there are stupid men as there are stupid women. In terms of ignorance, no gender is solely responsible as no gender is the sole custodian of wisdom. You are either smart or not. Capability is subject to aptitude not gender.

I don’t spend time talking about feminsim, I spend time living it. If the situation calls for it, I make my position clear but if not, I am indifferent about the opinion you form of me.

Being a feminist is not a declaration of war, it is just a choice to call your shots regardless of who is uncomfortable. I am a feminist because it is empowering to stake my claim on this freely given planet.

Being a woman, or a man is just a biological classification. It doesn’t affect the essence of who we are.