Have you ever seen a picture of what your life would have been and wondered? For example, I scroll through my phone reading the post of one of my friend’s sister talking about how she had often wished for a sister and now through my friend’s marriage she had gained a sister.
Immediately, I was able to cast my mind to the beginning when there was a possibility myself and that friend could have explored a romantic relationship but i just wasn’t inclined. So, in this moment, I wondered if now, that would have been a life I wanted. In the end, the answer did not matter because I am where I am now.
It made me wonder about decisions and how they end if we are lucky to observe the end. Sometimes, we just keep living with our decisions, they become part of our lives. The ones that end are those that do not form the fabric of our existence or maybe they do because the end itself is the experience.
One thing that I observed and decided to be intentional about lately is saying what I mean. I am not making reference to being true to one’s self. What I mean is not speaking idly, or saying things just because it is the expected response. For example, affirming things you don’t believe simply because that is the expected response for such an incident and saying something contrary would not even occur to you because you have crammed the template response.
Isn’t it interesting that even though you are in the same love story, you are experiencing it differently from your partner? Your feelings are yours no matter what your partner evokes within you, you can only also express how you feel as deeply or as shallowly as you have met yourself.
How do you deal with not suffering before you have to suffer? Especially when it comes to trusting others, how do you move on from betrayal and start afresh pretending that you no longer exist as trusting as you once were, that you no longer remember the bliss of naivety?
What if it were possible to edit a memory? Not in a way that it’s from PTSD and not even just for unpleasant ones, even beautiful memories. Imagine being able to add glitter to a memory that didn’t sparkle enough. Would it make us constantly chase perfection or will this make us always satisfied?
Grief is a funny thing, imagine walking to the beach on a sunny day, looking at colorful display of fabrics and merchandise along the pathway only to remember that your uncle is dead and wonder how he is doing on the other side. It’s how it sneaks up on you and manage to bleed out into abstract moments. Maybe when we suffer loss, we grief because now we try to act like we are living for them too.
Have you ever admired someone so much then you remember ridiculously that they are human so they must be flawed in some ways. Does that make you feel better or worse?
A million little light in the galaxy and you are a part of the spark.
Xoxo
Dcconnoisseur.
Ps: one more thought 😬, have you ever hated when people take a word you like and give it a new meaning that now affects how you think about it? Well, that’s the power of redefinition or reframing, that may just be the magic wand needed to start over everytime.
Bye for real this time😉😘
Connoisseur of Memories 