BENDABLE

This post is about body shaming and how the objectification and servitude of a woman is intricately connected to her value. I stayed superficial but a person of depth will read behind the words.

I sometimes remember all the times I was told that I was replaceable. It was in the little dismissal, the well-intended messages about how my worth was contained in how valuable a man finds me. This people quote scriptures.

In the body-shaming from concerned grown ups who were fond of wondering when I would eventually grow into the “perfect shape” of womanhood or be a “proper” woman.

So, how can I start building confidence from self sabotage and doubt? It’s hard to sustain the idea of sufficiency when all one has been taught is the constant aspiration to fold into expectations. Even when I think I am awesome, I pause to think about how long that will actually last. Till he finds someone else or…

When I think about my body, I don’t feel shame but I have been taught to be embarrassed. Embarrassed by my difference for not being round enough, tall enough, shapely or even fair enough! Yet, I get catcalled time and time again. It never fails to baffle me why I am not left alone since I don’t meet expectations.

The dismissals are actually the most malevolent. It is commonly experienced in the “we are not talking about your type of people speech”. It happens with strangers as it happens with family, friends, and foe.

It is funny how yet, one is expected to maintain dignity and forgiveness in the face of the hurt. Not to retaliate, or spit flaw for the flaw but to graciously receive petri-dishes of dotted disdain about one’s inadequacies; at the same time not to be proud enough to rise above the misfortune of oneself.

Self doubt is what is appreciated, playing small and being subservient to endorsed imagery.

How do I submit to a man who I have been taught to fear and see as one I should please in manner and body a lord of sort who does nothing to merit this trust but the mere fact that he is the “head”?

How can I do that when I do not know the way of subservience nor speak its language? Maybe bending is the way women ensure they don’t break. Accepting that there’s a possibility you will always have to battle to establish your worth.

I look forward to a reality that does not base your worth as a woman on functionality. How much value you bring as a “wife material”.

I often wondered how much bending would be required to finally get to the breaking point and if that is a good thing. I think the better idea is to maintain elasticity and fluidity but what do I know? Maybe sometimes bending is just the only way out.

Xoxo,

Dcconnoisseur.