In the name of love

What is the craziest thing you have ever done for love?

Some sing songs about a broken heart on the mend, betrayal and jealousy. The very definition of angst.

Many many words have been scribbled to capture the essence of this unfathomable language.

Many have gone mad, have killed, died, altered their core just to get a whiff of their desire even when not desired.

“Murder is born of love, and love attains the greatest intensity in murder.” ~ Octave Mirbeau

Many have become stalkers, marvelously determined to gym into shape with fractured heart all in the name of ahabak

Je t’ aime…

Salanghae…

Ti Amo

Ich liebe dich

Love, love, so many shapes and forms and colours. Alike yet different.

It is interesting that we all have felt love and unloved in different measures, yet, the ways we express and need it can be miles apart from the common understanding we may think we seek.

Research by Robert Sternberg in 1986 stratifies love into three major components characteristic of most relationships- Intimacy, passion, and commitment. These combinations produce various expressions like romantic love, liking, consummate love, and fatuous love.

In this generation, I think Love is even more flagrantly stretched to fit all sorts of arrangements. Common purpose of selfishness, self sufficiency, lack of vulnerability insisting that we are being vulnerable, half measures, denial, acceptance of the shallow, carcass.

No, I am not going to turn maudlin. This post is about all the reckless ways we love yet, incorrectly. This is even harder to define than I imagined because how does one say a manner of loving is inordinate when there is no consensus on what ordinate affection should model?

Is there no definition or are we more concerned about carving out our comfort? from what I know, Love is patient and kind, not jealous or boastful (haha, good luck with that one), or rude, love does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or keep records of wrong, love tells the truth, quells injustice, never gives up, never loses faith, is hopeful, always endures.

Tell me why it seems that we pay attention more to all the sexual aspect of love, loving, and receiving love? It is more about the chemistry now, the vibe, feelings, how we feel around the other person, how they make us feel, if they are giving?

What exactly are we giving? where is the security of loyalty and commitment, out the window I suppose because now, we cannot be boxed into a single story when there are so many chapters we can open with many people all at once.

Somehow, we define this as owning our truth and telling our story. I completely get it, I really do. It is easier this way, the confusion of swinging, the willingness to pack up and go, to choose the surface connection, the greener pastures, the next big attractive thing. What else can we do when we have just this one life to live? Right?

My question is, what exactly are we looking for? we say we are looking for love but exclaim that love is dead when we are partakers in the murder, we say we want our person but there is so much love to give that it can also be everybody. We say we want someone who will be true but no one is brave enough to take the stand for the truth, we are comfortable with truths that allow our selfishness, not truths that require our sacrifices. That is just doing the most.

This post is not an episode for condemnation and stigmatization even though I know that undertone cannot be missed. I am on this table as well. I am just genuinely curious about where this path leads, this love that we seek, and what the destination looks like amidst infidelity, insincerity, and selfishness…

I know this is an over simplified approach as we are all likely concur that human relationships are more complicated than we give credit… can it be simpler though?

I really just want to know how we can love correctly from an incorrect place, while insisting that we are just where we are supposed to be and there is nothing incorrect about it.

I want to understand how we expect to reap the benefits of love from lust. How we want kindness without giving, how all that matters is the search for what we want and not what we can create. How there is always this endless possibility in love without consideration that we are not endless.

My question really is where is the end in the name of love?

Truly awaiting answers,

Dcconnoisseur.