When he woke up this morning he knew it was not going to be a great day but this had nothing to do with him or maybe it does since he has no mastery over carrying the weight of the world on his shoulder, you see, this is not Gotham city but he sure lives like he is some super hero in a cape hoping from one rescue mission to the other, but the question is who is going to save him when it all comes crashing down…
This didn’t start now and by this I mean his desire to save the ones he loved. It started when he was much younger, when he struggled with excessive weight, not fitting in, being the weird one in class that everyone pointed to and laughed at, he had wild hair, a strange eye color neither brown nor grey, some confused in between that was neither spectacular nor ordinary. That´s besides the point though. He wanted this feeling to stop, the one that felt like he was floating, trying to belong but with no space to fit his landing. For a long time he wondered what home was, was it a person, a place, or a feeling?
He kept fighting his bullies, kept coming back to the places he knew he wasn´t wanted, it was like he was a sucker for pain, but with time he forgot what being normal felt like, fitting in no longer was on the table, he started to wear the label outsider correctly, it stopped feeling like an oversize round neck t-shirt on a frail body, where one constantly had to adjust the shoulder to prevent it for slipping off. He thought now he´d be left alone since he has started to make a home of nowhere but the journey got even more interesting.
As an outsider it became easier for him to see through the crack and notice many things every other person missed because they were too closely involved. It is not that the desire to fit in stopped completely, not at all, it transformed into sensitivity and vulnerability. Now, it is easier for him to see people like him who are outsiders but have to wear the mask to stay in the line, the known is always more comfortable than the unknown and he should know that, this is his story. Now, he cries when he sees the little girl struggling to be accepted by a team of cool girls, he feels bad for the sensitive boy who tries to be macho because men don´t cry.
It is so easy for him to see that kid who is not school smart struggle so hard to read a line, to seat still when all he wants to do is run wild through the winds to expend all the energy in him, he sees how gradually he loses his rebellion and curiousity, wearing the uniform of conformity. Yeah, he took the pill, the pill of the system.
So now, he cannot be an outsider any more, he has to save those people. why let them suffer when he is stronger now? He knows the route from inside out, he knows the shortcut, he knows the pressure point, the escape room, he has seen through the mirage, he knows who is lying and who is telling the truth, he knows even the truth sometimes is bent to tell a story.
By the way, did he tell you what he hates the most among several things like a partially closed door, sugary drinks, the smell of certain teas, add anime (this was because he got sick of them since it is tied to the memory of a person), he hates back stabbers the most, pretentious people that smile to you and say nasty things behind your backs. It is not what they say that bothers him, more that he can´t beat the shit out of the man that can´t even be brave enough to stay in the ring for a fight. If there is anything he won´t do, it is violence unprovoked, so you see, his hands are tied, this people can only get the beating they deserve with the right amount of violence to instigate it.
I know you are curious about how he got stronger, it is simple, he found a tribe, others like him that showed him what it meant to build a home, it was not easy at first because he spent a lot of time after the acceptance of his banishment from polite society raoming freely, a vagabond of principles and discrimination, wondering how best to take his revenge. it wasn´t untill he stumbled upon them that he realized he wasn´t alone in this world after all. He quickly proved his worth and before long, he became the leader of the tribe.
Now, he is no longer outside but he is still an outsider. Now, he knows where home is, it is people and routine of love, a value system of mercy and humanity, collection of people instead of things and the cold emptiness that their acquisition present. Now, he can read the room, now he follows the energy, he lives his life by it. He swears he sees emotions in color, he calls it intuition, that is his superpowers. He takes it all, the good and the bad with no resistance, he has chosen this path of love and that built a warrior out of him. Now, he must stand guard protecting this empire on the outside from the inside but there is still a yearning in him, deeper than this place and this people, this kingdom and tribe, the yearning is as divine as his dreams. He wondered why he still had a want when he already had all he needed.
The answer was instant when he laid eyes on her. She was the one he had been waiting for all this while. Now, she is here, an outsider in his inside, the one he wants to brave the outside for again, the one his defences cannot keep out, the one he´d protect even with his kingdom and tribe but her energy is strong enough to make him fall and wipe him completely.
He knows this but he does what he is best at, he takes it all and eats it. She is looking at him wondering how he could master her choas so easily, she knows he is not ordinary but that´s her cue to run away. People have hurt her too much for her to stay anywhere too long, she leaves before they have a chance to scheme typically. so imagine her surprise that as she turns to leave, sprinting into a jog, there is this weirdo on her heel looking to take her down the cliff. Is he mad? what does he think he is doing? she thinks to herself. It is too late though, she looked into his eyes as she fell.
You know when he said it wasn´t going to be a good day, well, this was why. His downfall has appeared and he’d rather go down this cliff than protect his new inside out. It is time to build a new empire, he knows, his queen is here…
If you see yourself in this, it’s because there’s fantasy inside you.
Stay Jiggy,
Dcconnoisseur😘
Connoisseur of Memories 