Yearning

You are scared to let go because you don’t know if better will come…

Have you ever had feelings you couldn’t mutter out loud, feelings you can’t bring yourself to name because you know once you do everything has to change and you are not ready for that change?

Even though you hate where you are, you still don’t feel strong enough to make the move for where you need to be so you agonize in the discomfort.

I have heard stories of desires and I have lived some myself but none is so relatable as the story of love. The one we choose, the one we let go, and the one we yearn for but isn’t quite enough.

I have sat across lovers on a solo trip watching them hold hands and wondering when I’d get to feel that again. I yearn for the feelings that come when you are just about to fall in love, the giddiness, the high, the security and assurance of being enough, desired, wanted.

I yearn for the stability that comes from maturing love, when you have mastered all the common expressions, can read their moods, and can send messages across the room without words.

I miss the endless phone calls, the one that runs late into the early hours of the morning. I miss the first dates that was the beginning of everything yet an unknown. I marvel at the very first meeting you have with the love that changes your life forever. Good or bad.

I yearn for passion and zest, saisir la vie, the vigor that comes with knowing everyday you get to share with that person is an adventure.

I yearn to find a love that feels closer than a soul mate, that feels like a soul split in two…

A love that only twin flames can produce. Full of childish wonder, curiosity, and melody. I want to hold hands, run wild in an open field of daffodils, kiss in the rain, reenact my favorite scenes, go on book dates, spontaneous trips, be led in a game for gifts. I want to paint on canvas, explore poetry, try out wine making, create a signature scent… The list is endless.

I want to live in happy memories buried in the recess of my mind. I want to take turn reliving moments so nostalgic that time stills. I quavah for a love that liberates not confine, that makes room, not force to fit. A love that is accepting and growing, infinitely concrete and assuring.

I yearn for friendship and desire…

The really really high days where nothing can penetrate the euphoric bubble of bliss. The melody that rings from a happy heart, the laughter from all things silly, the star crossed eyes, nose that sniffs petal…

I yearn for a love for a lifetime…

Galaxies and galaxies laying witness, the type that makes fantasy shy. All the melodrama of Romeo and Juliet, the wordings of Frank Kafka, leo tolstoy…

Well, a girl can dream!

Xoxo,

Dcconoisseur.