Kindness-how do we know?

Does kindness have a metric?

For the longest time, I have shied away from describing myself as kind even when I often find myself doing kind things. On one hand, I think it is because in my mind, genuinely kind people do not have to mention it, it just radiates or something like that.

Then on the other, I started asking people who have interacted with me to describe how they perceive me especially steering them in the direction of whether or not they consider me a kind person and the answer I often get is negative. Instead they describe me with other words like intelligent, confident, esoteric, blah blah… Not to toot my horn or anything. Despite this pleasing descriptions, I often wondered why kindness didn´t often reflect on the list. I wondered if it was because I always say, “I am not a kind person” to anyone I meet or whether kindness is more of an act than a trait.

When I think of a kind person, I think of someone selfless beyond reason and if this person is female, they also possess a bit of soft-spokeness, always smiling demeanor, and demure personality. I do not fit this profile. If anything, I am opinionated, loud-voiced, and ever ready to call a spade a spade. I think in my mind I associated kindness with likability especially as a woman.

I engaged in a conversation with some colleagues on this topic and one of the answers I found intriguing was when someone mentioned that to be kind is to perform an act where one does not stand to gain anything. Another said being kind is not esteeming yourself better than others and not treating them differently because you think you are higher than them.

Another person I spoke to on kindness defined kindness as sacrifice almost to a point of self sacrifice which is not an ideology I subscribe to. I believe kindness must first be displayed inwards before it is shown outwards. Of what use is my kindness to everyone else, if I am unkind to myself? Is the value of the kindness I show others not comparable to the one I first show myself?

The most popular consensus on kindness is doing something for others in which you really have nothing to gain but it all fairness, there is no kind act that is truly unbeneficial and completely altruistic because we derive satisfaction in being kind and that in itself is a reward.

What is the goal of this post you ask?

It is to collate several ideologies on what constitutes kindness and to practice them. To explore the existing metric on kindness, to expand and explore them in a way that redefines even things we exclude.

For me kindness is when someone says something unkind to me to which I have an even meaner rejoinder but will refrain from saying it because I know it may break their spirit. Kindness is when I use my strength to cover up the weaknesses of others around me. Kindness is when I smile at someone because I see them looking a bit down, it is the sincere wish in my heart that everyone I meet struggling, finds victory on battles they do not wear on their countenance.

This is a challenge to find ways to be kind. I don’t think the goal is to identify as being kind or being known for kindness rather, it is a combination of a to-do list and to-be-list. Everyday practice kindness first with yourself then with others. The goal is not martyrdom or sainthood but humanity.

xoxo

Dcconoissuer.