CONTENT LIVING

It was my first year of junior secondary school, boarding house when a new senior joined from another school to win all the prizes that was possible in her class category. The only prize she did not receive on prize-giving day was for a subject she was not taking. I watched this senior closely and that was not hard to do as she was a blazing light that could not be hidden. She later went on to become the head girl of her set and later graduated as the best student. No surprises there.

One day, in senior secondary school, I heard her say, ‘I am going to have it all’ and I remember thinking to myself at that time ‘what a brazen statement‘ is it not funny how some people’s audacity sometimes provoke you? Have you met audacious individuals who talk as though the rest of us are joking with our lives while they are living a fairytale? Well, those people used to annoy me until I started practicing audacity myself.

When this lady made that statement of having it all some couple of years back, I interpreted the fairytale to mean being the best at everything and having the best life. Material and spiritual wealth to sum it up. Just living life over and above mediocrity.

I am sure we have met people like this who we think have it all. They are beautiful, of good ethical standing, great socio-economic background, talented, and in some cases, living what we would call a deeply spiritual life or ‘holy’ life. When one comes across people like these, it is hard not to think that life is unfair and some people are born with unfair advantages.

Fast forward to now, I can say this lady is still living a charmed existence and her effervescence has not dim one bit.

A friend asked me not too long ago ‘do you feel lucky sometimes?’ to which I responded ‘I feel fortunate most times’ this friend went on to ask if I think some things must be missing for me to enjoy the fortune I am experiencing and that prompted a voice note in response. Excerpts of which have become a focal point for today’s post.

In a recent conversation I had, someone mentioned something so profound that it struck me because of how ordinary it is ‘we are all Privileged‘. Now believe, me I am not interested in engaging the veracity of this statement, rather, my interest lies in the dissecting what privilege means. Unfortunately, this task is so herculean that I must consider it generally while leaving the nuances to individual interpretation. Summarily, privilege is what one enjoys giving an edge over others or together with a select few, as my father will say, ‘ a comparative advantage.’

I was scrolling through IG when I stumbled on a post discussing the various types of insecurities that exist. Mostly two, one born out of ignorance of capacity or gift, and the other born of denial of same. The latter is said to be more unforgivable.

I do not think it is the absence of our privilege that haunts us rather the denial of it.

In came across a post where a lady was saying if asked ‘how are you doing?’ How dare you say just fine when you can say, I am gorgeous, splendid, beautiful. As audacious as this sounds. I think this is the very code we must live by, refusing to downplay our fortune and fortitude under the guise of false humility.

Second is the need to remind ourselves that good do not always have to be accompanied by bad, it may also come with better on the way to best. I think it is this scarcity mentality that must fail us. The fact that we believe that there cannot be an abundance of goodness to go round without the attachment of misfortune or the unavailability of it.

Again, there is the idea that success must feel and look a certain way to qualify as such but we must eventually get to a point where we define success on our own terms without the respect for the consequences of being perceived as a failure.

More than the idea of needing to be validated as being successful is the need for comparison to acknowledge that we know what we are doing. We feel like similarity with everyone else proves a point on the metric of success despite acknowledging that we are inherently built with different needs other than food, shelter, and clothing (of course it is not this rudimentarily simplistic).

The recipe for a charmed existence or content living as in this case is acceptance.

Acceptance of dissimilarity without envy, acknowledging that it is okay to want different things and to customize one’s happiness as many times as creatively possible until the picture brings bliss. Acceptance of one’s definition without the requirement of validation and the pressure of expected timing. Particularly, acceptance of every phase of success in the here and now. Being content with the fact that you are exactly where you are supposed to be per time and finding contentment in that location while optimistically seeking new experiences.

Lastly, content living is not perfectionism, nor the absence of chaos and turmoil rather, It is a precarious balance of imperfection with acceptance and fortitude.