REJECTION

The etymological interpretation of rejection in Latin is retrieved from the word rēicere which means thrown out…

Nothing describes the sting of rejection better than the emotion of denial and ostracization even when we did not particularly care to be chosen. Beauty, fame, wealth, or even skills does not preserve one from the indignity of rejection neither can rejection always be rationalized.

Often times, it is a mindless dismissal based on inexplicable biases; it may have nothing to do with you yet, you can’t seem to help internalizing your possible contribution to the experience especially when the rejection comes from something or someone you desire or deeply want. Most people experience this pain acutely in associations with romantic explorations or a one-sided crush.

Most of us agree that unrequited love is a special kind of sting from having someone friend zone you or rejecting you as a possible partner just hits on a different level and makes you question your worth. Never mind that we often also have people we have treated similarly.

The knowledge that people are under no obligation to receive the love you give or to appreciate what you have to offer does not reduce the hurt. There is a momentary irrationality associative with rejection, the strive to prove a moot point even when the other person is not remotely interested in whatever it is you may be interested in doing to solicit their validation. They may in fact be quite comfortable and resolved about their decision not to choose you and to relegate your existence as inconsequential to their daily lives.

Worse still, is the fact that they may also be pinning after people they cannot have or who do not feel the same. It is almost like we are determined to have only what we must struggle for. The idea that the more unattainable, equates the worthiness; the pursuit of the impossible is laughable if not ironic, but what is it about rejection that alters our behaviour? In the sense that, why is our first reaction an attack on our self-worth? Is this about ego or the sheer humanity of seeking endorsement?

In my opinion, we all have these perceptivity of our self image and likability quotient influenced largely by our environment, experiences, and prejudice. Some are accurate, some grossly exaggerated, and others, non-existent but we identify with this melange of notions with the accurate assessment being somewhere between all these rough notions.

While some of us through constant practice have learnt to accurately realign our self-worth based expectations. Some, have never existed outside the bubble of these perceptions because they have neither had a cause to test it outside the confines of their comfort zones nor on the broader spectrum of reality. Hence, the rude awakening when this test comes. I think I fall into both categories in various respects but one thing is certain, rejection is good.

Why? you may ask, because it forces us to reevaluate our sense of desirability, to accept our limitations, to appreciate the easier things (but this is where we all fall short, the easier things are taken for granted), to reinforce our need to self validate, to refute rejecting ourselves because we feel rejected, to question why we must be accepted by everyone and everything we desire and if that is in fact necessary or the true merit of our worth.

I know by the world’s metrics the more exclusive and expensive an item is, the more valuable it becomes. The nuances in this reasoning can be both imprisoning and liberating. First, this sense of exclusivity may boost your ego originally, but for most of us, desirability is a question of numbers. So, this limits the efficacy of being exclusive in this sense.

Second, no matter how exclusive an item is there is usually an audience or target market that can afford that item and in some rarer instances, a thousand times over. Consequently, everyone can be bought. This does not dismiss the invaluable nature of certain phenomena e.g., Health as opposed to wealth, peace amidst chaos but this is besides the point which is value is subject to the whims of the Valuer.

Imagine if every one of us in the world woke up by some subconscious zen wiring and decided that all means of value exchange were no longer acceptable and instead, we trade happiness. Happiness would become the new perspective of accumulation. Imagine banks where individuals store happiness and loan happiness. Ok, I am stretching this utopia, but do you understand my point?

I know it is a herculean task not to take rejection personally but the goal is not to be unfeeling about rejection, the insight is to not let rejection rewire your sense of value and validation but this comes with an everlasting practice where each time you feel rejected you remind yourself that it is okay not to be accepted by everyone and everything because in the end…

Kalopsia.