The things I do not want in life

I was having a mini heartbreak (no, I am not going to share what broke my heart), so I had a getaway. Okay, maybe getting away is a dramatic way to put it 😂.

I went to a friend’s place to stay for the weekend. It was nice feeling loved and looked after, things adulthood easily robs us of. We were engaging in a discussion when her sister mentioned the phrase “The things I do not want in life” and I thought it had a nice ring to it hence this post.

To put the conversation in context, one of us was sharing on the determination and perseverance it took to obtain a foreign license to practice, and this was when the phrase came up. The push came simply because of the clarity of “things I did not want in life…” She said.

We spend so much time focused on what we want in life. More often than not, we cannot even articulate what that want feels or looks like. It is most commonly understood when we mention the subject of a successful person. Who or what is a successful person? Just writing it down and reading it with my mind’s voice makes me realize how ridiculous this statement is. I am not against the idea of success just that success should look a certain acceptable way when even that way is not universally definitive.

It is the very idea that we must be alike that makes us opposed to the dimensions humans exist. I also suffer from this assumption so I am not apportioning any blame but I digress…

It may be quite the paradigm shift to start with the things we do not want in life and maybe when we are done itemizing those things we can clearly picture what is left. It doesn’t even have to be opposites. It just might be tangent incidences or correlative events. (If I am using mathematical analogies and it doesn’t add up, please I am no mathematician what were you expecting?)

So here are a couple on my list:

1. Insincerity starting with forced compliments without substance. For example, what does it mean when you say a person is good-looking? I do not want to be on the receiving end of the giver of such lacklustre statements. I know it is just the use of words but what about words that makes beautiful pale? Compliment or don’t if you must let your sincerity bulge through your words.

2. Deceitful friends. There is no example of this, the very phrase is definitive regardless of how harmless the context may be. I do not want to be such a friend or have one.

3. Love without passion. Many people say, love should feel comfortable like a worn out blanket maybe, durable, reliable, steady and consistent. I agree with you but what about the love that feels like your head is in the cloud and your feet steps on bubble? Soul flame!

4. Meaningless living. Simply living life because you just expect life to happen to you as many say, I have no control. Life happened. No offense to this statement or the perpetrators of it. I just do not want this as a picture of the life I experience. I agree that life happens, that some things are outside our control but I will not spend time dwelling on those things rather appreciating the bandwidth of my normalcy or abnormality if you may.

5. A life devoid of colors. I would rather live as a cartoon character in my mind eye where everything is awesomely bright, the butterfly has a lot of glitz, the flowers look way to happy standing in the sun and everything, even bad is all happening for good. That is what I mean when I say colors. The kind of delusional world where even bad days are bright.

6. A life without travelling and sight seeing?! I hope not. Travelling for me is not about mileage, touristic experiences or even the uniqueness the perspective brings. Although these things add up eventually. It is enough for the sheer pleasure of using the phrase “wherever your feet shall thread” I like this idea that I don’t have to be everywhere in the world but that my feet can mark territories.

7. A life without laughter. I mean the ribs cracking type! Reminds me of how I used to tickle my brothers till they begged me to stop with tears. All shades of laughter. The subtle ones that starts as a grin, a tip lipped smile, a full fledged teeth revealing smile, the embarrassing laughter that’d make everyone turn to you in a public space because you are disgracing your nationality and family members. As I type this I think of my friend Buki, she is the one person I cannot trust to keep a straight face around when there is a reason to laugh😂😂😂

8. A life without reinvention through dreams and hope. Having something to look forward to each day no matter how small. The colour of my outfit, the smell of my favourite perfume, the face of my love interest, the sound of my friends when they are sharing exciting news or gossip, home cooked meal, reading a book, the sound of rain and petrichor, cacophony from human daily migration, big dreams on vision boards, my to go list, to do list, the smear of impossible aspirations.

9. A life without faith. The actual definition of helplessness for me. Faith carves out imagination till they appear real. Faith in God, faith that I am never alone, faith that I am loved and precious, faith that the love is unconditional, unfailing, eternal, unrepentant.

10. A life devoid of memories. I read somewhere about the making of memories. Are they futuristic or do they happen in the past. All I know is memories are the summation of our lives. If it were books, it’d be called chapters or episodes in series or bytes.

I am not even going to qualify it by saying happy memories or a life devoid of regrets. It is enough to experience living doing the best I can. Learning and growing, aspiring or just perspiring.

Three things are needful, Love, faith, and hope but the greatest is love.

There you have it. What’s yours?