DUALITIES

Hey there,

Let’s get right to it.

I have quite the dilemma and I am certain it does not pertain to just me. We’ve probably all had this moment when we were pulled by conflicting ideologies.

For example, “If you love something you’d let it go” and “You should build a love worth fighting for”… Life is beautiful and yet it is not a bed of roses analogies…How does one know which instance is for letting go and which is meant for fighting?

Yeah, the dualities.

Typically, when duality is discussed, it is often in the opposing binary form, good and evil, ying and yang and while this is pivotal, there is the other perspective where duality is about good and better…

I wish there was some sort of rule book if you know what I mean…

Since there is no such book, it is obvious that the only compass we can rely on is our instinct, which may or may not be trustworthy.

People say follow your guts and all that and while it works, it is not foolproof. I mean what if your guts have often made you do dumb stuff? it’d be wise to actually take a break from it.

What does this decision making boil down to?

For instance, how do you know when to quit on a goal and when to keep pushing What is the yardstick for how much persistence or quitting is required? you know that point where if you quit, you cannot be faulted for not trying. The necessary amount of persistence that stops short of foolishness and vain methodology.

Yeah, we know quitters are not winners but there have also been instances where quitting was the better choice. We’ve all heard the “it is never too late to start” inspirational talk and in the same vein, there is the “it is never too late to turn back” version especially when you discover you are on the wrong path but most people often hold on to the “I have gone too far to give up now” idea.

I often love using the sunk-cost theory analogy in this context but instead, I will use a personal story. I am not very great at navigation. I mean each day I step out of my home is an opportunity to get lost for me. I mean this literally, yeah, I know even with google maps.

One day, I had this crazy idea to travel to a different city when only just relocating to a new country less than two months! I also made this trip spontaneously because of YOLO (you only live once right?).

Long story short, I made it to my destination without incident it was on getting back to my city and then heading home that the true adventure began just before midnight. It was really cold and then I decided that I was just going to get on the next bus never mind that I knew quite well that bus was not heading in the direction of my address. I said to myself, “How bad can it be? at least, it will go through the city centre.

I kept staying on because the stops were familiar and I figured I will just get down at the next stop. You should know that it did not cross my mind to cross check with the map. I was pretty confident that my choice was turning out okay. Until, it didn’t. Surprise! I found myself at the outskirt of the city… The bus was shutting down for the day and like in horror movies the lights started going out from the back. Guess who was lost, and even colder? Yeah, me. Now, I had to walk in the cold I was avoiding in the first place.

I learnt a meaningful lesson that day that I think applies to every aspect of life, no one more stop when you are heading in the wrong direction, it never leads to the destination you desire. An adventure, sure but hopefully, no one gets hurt.

There is this saying “The destination is in the journey” and in some other instances, the destination is actually the better place because the journey actually sucks.

So what is the point?

CONTROL

Control is important because it keeps things secured, assured and familiar. We mostly try to stick to our safety nets, guarantees, proven theories, experiences, and memories but sometimes, incidences outside our control are actually our greatest learning curve.

I am sure you’ve heard the saying about knowing the difference between what we can control, forbearing the things we cannot, and the fortitude to distinguish between the two? Exactly, it takes practice. Sharpening one’s instinct from time to time with each decision made.

Mistakes will be made definitely but they should be counted as the uncontrollable (please note that I am not saying some mistakes cannot be avoided, I simply mean when navigating uncertainties, there are some mistakes one might make along the way that will only be discovered in hindsight. At the moment, it may have seemed like the best choice)

Consequently, incidental to control is acceptance. Certain things are easily within our control and even more things we can never control but we may still be able to feel in charge by practicing acceptance.

The acceptance of our imperfect humanity and limitations. This is not in any way an encouragement not to strive for improvement. It just means we’d never have enough time to get every aspect of our lives right and if we could get a do-over at life maybe we’d have had time to rehearse. Naturally, there is just one shot.

I think when it comes to dualities, one major challenge is also that we have conceptualised predestination, the one path, “the one”, and the I was meant to do these ideals. I am not arguing points here. I am simply saying what if, it’d be easier to enjoy the decision making process rather than worrying about the outcome.

Ah ah, you caught me there, I am also not sure how to do this. So I am going to quit giving advice I know nothing of but this is what I love about the human experience. The strive for more… in my case, more insight into living the best life I can envision in every sphere.

I have really got to go now.

Till next time, stay jiggy.

XOXO,

Dcconoisseur.