I want to approach this from the female perspective of what an archetype man should be.
You see, generally, men are taught to be leaders, protectors and providers. To achieve this, they have to be wise beyond their years, smart, earn six figures and have a great body.
Errr…. this is not usually what happens. Men, like women, come in different shapes and sizes… colors too. There are caramel coloured, as there are light skinned, dark-chocolate with a dash of cream. Just all shades and there are some really wicked looking guys that just make you bless God everyday (hmmmm). Okay, I am deviating.
What I am saying, is these differences amount to basically that, differences! Yet, we expect all men to behave in the same macho way we have projected in our minds. We expect them to like stereotypical things, act in certain ways to validate their masculinity.
Some of the popular ones are, deep voices (biology is to blame for this though), being muscular, sports lover, acohol drinker, womanizer, experienced, bold and dauntless.
Do we even pause to think about personality divergence? Some guys are macho, some are extravagant and extroverted, some are geeks, some are effeminate, some are quiet and introverted. Some male folk are shy… (yeah, I know… it’s cute).
No doubt, as a woman, there is something about a confident, handsome, rich man that just tickles your feminity, but so do shy, kind, caring and loving guys when it boils down to what’s really important.
The other day, my girlfriend and I were discussing what we won’t like to see in our men based on a series we were watching and all the mixed signals a particular character was giving off. He wore lace pants! Who does that? Then she said, it just like meeting a guy that’s into Telemundo instead of sports and I was like; What?! Hold up a bit, she was seriously bothered by this fact.
Another friend of mine said in these words: “twerking, catwalking, talking and/or giggling in a high pitched voice”.
Another friend of mine has this to say: “While I like my man to be a man in every sense of the word, I like him to have an air of mystery around him, to always mind his business to also exhibit that manly strength when it matters.”
Why can’t a guy be into romantic movies instead of action movies? Why can’t he love milk shakes and cookies instead of brandy? Even as I type this, I’m cringing at the thought that my man would choose a milk shake over brandy.
It is just like how most women don’t like the idea of a couch potato, but are comfortable with the idea of a woman being unemployed. Gigolos are more frowned upon than escorts.
The double standard is everywhere. Men are generally not appreciated until they can be benefited from; more often than not financially. Consequently, men work themselves to the bone, consider themselves failures if they are broke or don’t measure up socially.
This different view point is characteristic of what we have normalized as what a man should be. Perpetuated by centuries of societal norms.
Men often feel disadvantaged, especially when they can’t seem to fit into the mental box of who a man should be. It must be stifling, having to act in certain ways, not laugh too much, laugh with a baritone, not wear some certain shades of colors considered feminine, be able to avoid crying and bottle up emotions because that’s what it means to be strong, not being able to break down without considering how to do it in the masculine way.
Whew, I am so glad I am a woman when I think of all these stress. From a male friend perspective, he dislikes the fact that he cannot be as expressive as he would have loved to be. For instance, he had to mull over saying ‘I love you’ to his male friends for some days and deal with the embarrassing silence that followed the comment.
How he is always expected to take the lead in certain things especially during an outing, be assertive and vocal about certain things. This reminds me of how women instigate fights and implicate the men in their lives in the name of defending their honor…
How he cannot do certain things like be particular about his skin without being perceived as less masculine. I have a brother that uses all my skin care product and honestly, it irked me but that’s because he was depleting my cream fast! Now, I just buy his if I want mine to last a while.
Another male friend had to give up his bead making hobby. Now, just thinking about men in career paths considered feminine is really laudable especially in the fashion industry.
It is not easy being a man… with all the pressure and not enough space to unwind without being under the scrutiny of masculinity.
To men: it is okay to take the day of, to cry, to express yourself without caving in to the need to censor yourself on the masculinity metric. Who you are can’t be quantified in your role as men but what you really are in your soul and if that can gain enough expression in your function as a man, let the world expand their borders.
This post is for beautiful men out there, shy men, bald men, fat men, macho men, rich men, broke men, all the kinds of good men, men comfortable enough to be feminine. I personally think men are amazing.
Here is to you🥂. We see you.
Connoisseur of Memories 