Rose colored glasses won’t matter, if there weren’t eyes to look through it. I guess my point is; the beauty of perspective is in the diversity it portrays . What happens if we discover that what we think we know about some other person, is actually a reflection of our inner conflict?
A large percentage of humans lay claims to being unbiased about certain issues. I mean, no one would readily come forward to say: “Hey, my name is Nicko and I have a bias for…”. if that was the case, racism would be a lot easier to censor because one would readily avoid certain individuals with gusto; but I guess it is often a polished facade of politeness and politicking.
Consequently, if one just listens to talks and ignore disparate actions, one would be naive to think that the world is balanced. It is in this incongruence equilibrium in examining the motive behind every action.
It will surprise you to know that the intention you are searching for is not necessarily a reflection of another, rather, a mirror of your perception. Better still, what you are conditioned to see triggers a reaction from you.
When one notices a disturbing pattern of events about another, it is important to ask the question, why?
The fact that it bothers you, means one of two things; either you are the one with issues, or it doesn’t bother the other person as much. In both instances, you are the one who is perturbed.
Amazingly, on most occasions, when asked to articulate why some attitude or action grates on one’s nerve, the answer isn’t as straight forward as one might have hoped it would be.
If for example, if one has trust issues, it will become a factor in dealing with one’s partner. You will find every opportunity to raise a shadow of doubt that you can capitalize on at inopportuned moments.
We all have a unhealthy amount of dysfunctionality that we cope with. Some of which we are oblivious to. It only takes a fair amount of sincerity with ourselves and a great support system to reveal to us the extent of our baggage.
I have been in this position, I don’t know if you have too? I noticed it When I used to badger my partner with questions that border on mistrust. Ask me the same questions and I won’t fare as brilliantly as the other person; who in my mind is responsible for my insecurity. Imagine how it felt to be called out on my act.
When one is operating from the angle of superior correspondent for right perspective affairs, it is easy to miss out on one’s flaws which is obvious to the other person (It is like the log and speck biblical allusion). They may condone it out of love or respect or the need to spare your feelings, but it doesn’t mean you have a clear picture.
Whatever perspective one is operating from is often tainted by cumulative experiences. In a long term relationship or any length for that matter, this can cause a lot of misunderstanding because you keep fighting your partner thinking it is for a good cause, not realizing or realizing too late, that you are basically war with yourself and your partner is your shield.
I wish I could provide a fit all approach that will make sure this never happens but I can’t. I wish I could also say that I have mastered the act of not transferring aggression… sadly, I am still working on it.
One thing I have learnt is what I am sharing right now. When you think you have a clear picture, ask yourself from what angle? It is healthier to accept your flaws and own up to your failings than let others take the fall for you.
This is not an easy resolution to abide by. I know a thing or two about this, but certainly, honesty with oneself is one way to go. In maintaining honesty with ourselves, we need to balance it with being able to sit through an honest opinion about who we are from another person.
I don’t mean asking a friend who you know has a bias for you if you are overreacting, I mean simply, learning to isolate incidents and seeing where you also fall short.
I am not this sure will change the world but I think it is a head start in building a more wholesome sense of self worth.
XOXO… connoisseur
Connoisseur of Memories 