Have you noticed that when there is a wealthy person in neighbourhood, family, or anywhere else for that matter, people just sort of expect that person to bless others and by others, I mean, everybody?
When that doesn’t happen, especially, when lots of people can’t say they have benefited from such wealthy person personally, they just tag that person selfish, stingy, and icing on the cake definition- wicked!
Truth is, we cannot make everyone happy, no matter how hard we try. However, we can start by fulfilling our obligations as they come, and being responsible for ourselves and others as we are persuaded to accommodate.
When I meet people, I set boundaries on expectations as quickly as possible, because, people tend to take certain acts of kindness as infinite.
I start by being explicit about my commitments, and go as far as, detailing what I am willing to do and what I won’t stand for. In fact, I punctuate it with the phrase, “I am not that nice”.
When I am feeling generous, I add that, I am a selfish person. Selfless people I meet, immediately jump on the lecture podium and start a symposium on why selfishness is not a way to live. I tune out just as fast.
When it comes to doing what’s best for me, I follow the “love your neighbour as yourself…” dictate quite literally. That’s why the movie- Acrimony resonates a lot with me.
It reinforces why I should set limitations, and only give what I freely want to. This applies to every aspect of my life from familiar relationships, to business and romantic entanglements.
When it comes to a romantic relationship, I make it a point of duty, not to pour out my love without first testing the waters. Mostly, I measure what you value against what I value, to see if I can create a balance. That way, I don’t have to say statements like: “after all I have done for you” or this:
I am not saying that there are no truly ungrateful people, gratitude however, isn’t my motive. I benefit from being resourceful as well. So really, we are all selfish.
Selfishness isn’t always a bad thing, especially not when it means preserving your sanity. The fact that you love someone doesn’t mean you should give an arm for them if that isn’t what you want to do.
It goes both ways actually, you can’t be like that, and expect people to go over and beyond for you. It is the golden rule at work here; “do unto others what you want others to do unto you.” Sincerely, I don’t mind.
However, in reality, this rule doesn’t always play out that way. For instance, sometimes, people get robbed and it isn’t because they have robbed others. Inversely, some robbers never actually get robbed. Where is the justice in that?!
My point notwithstanding, is, choose your boundary. As an empathetic person, I know how difficult this can be. You actually feel so much for your next person and want to do a whole lot of good. That’s okay, but, don’t do good to the extent that you burn out without enough good to go round for you.
Do good simply because you want to. Don’t be persuaded to act based on others expectations of you. Be motivated to act based on your convictions and limitations. That way, there are no excesses.
Ciao!
Connoisseur of Memories 