I think everyone lives in pursuit of happiness, but not everyone can detail what their happiness looks like.
Instead, we are constantly trying to fit into an image we think should bring us happiness. You know the linear equation of life; in which, at a certain age, you should start a family, you should earn a certain amount of money to be comfortable, live in a certain kind of house, in a kind of exclusive neighborhood, drive an exotic car to be considered successful, have a certain amount in the bank, amass a particular number of followers on social media. Be a professional, be that, be this, be slim or thick, be light skinned, wear certain hair texture. Blah blah….
We don’t really take time to decide what happiness actually means to us as individuals. If we really dig deep, we may be forced to reach the conclusion that as individuals, we have different value systems and mindsets, not to talk of emotional needs.
That makes distinguishing your happiness pivotal. It is like having your own happiness ID.
We might not be able to pinpoint clearly what our happiness looks like. For example; if one is experiencing difficulty in producing a portrait of one’s happiness, at least, be able to sketch a caricature. You can start by defining what unhappiness means to you.
Interestingly, we spend a large percentage of our lives propagating values that were fed to us, not one we created for ourselves. Consequently, we live as prisoners, in the echoes of others’ thoughts. A lot of people speed through life without knowing the whys and whats that is essential to their existence.
We try to squeeze our happiness through the harrowing gap of expectations we can barely authenticate. Simply because, we are too scared of the lonileness that is the hallmark of living life on your terms.
It is very flattering for others to think that they have a say in your affairs. However, it is mandatory to clear people when necessary. On the understanding that if they could live out their expectations of you, then the conversation of why you have failed them won’t be needed in the first place. In as much as it is impracticable to trade lives, they may just find contentment in watching from the sidelines.
The fact that someone is your friend of ten years more or less, doesn’t make them an authority on the best course of action you should take. At best, they get front row seat.
This is one of the ways we get guilt-tripped into living life based on others expectations: we feel we owe it to them to appear and act a certain way. That is not true, if you owe any expectation, it is the one you decide should be owed (now, this doesn’t include contractual obligations because even then, asides from express obligations, some may be implied).
Jokes apart, when I refer to expectations, I hope it is clear that, what I am intentional about are expectations solely within your discretion to play out. True, some individuals have a certain hold over you and as a sign of respect you may go out of your way to please them. My view point however is, only do that if it within the scope of your happiness.
When I say happiness, it is not just some hedonistic idea that shouldn’t be moderated with sacrifice and concrete values. It is more in the region of living life with an awareness about responsibilities for your choices, devoid of coercion; either as a result of undue influence or societal bias.
Of course, there is the idea of collective good or greater good. I dare say that, greater good will be more satisfying if it is a collection of individual good. A society should be all embracing (arguably so).
Recognizing the face of your happiness is as important as a DNA test to establish paternity. It saves one the stress of going on a bus trip of triviality one shouldn’t have boarded in the first place. Basically, it doesn’t matter if others cannot relate with what makes you happy, as long as you are happy and recognize that’s your happiness, you are good to go.
No matter how long it takes to identify the face of your happiness, it is important to spend each day perfecting that painting.
Connoisseur of Memories 