I grew up hearing: “You are small”. I was either too small for a class, age wise, or literally, stature wise. So, I got used to tuning out the definition of small. At some point, the word small became utterly meaningless to me.
The funny thing is, in my head, I am perfect. I try so hard to relate with people’s definitions of my smallness, but, it was like having an out-of-body experience, and still not being able to relate.
On the contrary, I can relate when people say I am short, ’cause it translates to mean a reference to height and height alone. Small, just seem too abstract for me to substantiate.
You cannot box a person based on apperance. Since, in essence, we are not even who we can see. I mean, our bodies decay, yet we live on, if not anywhere like the afterlife, at least, in people’s memories.
Overtime, I metamorphosed from being called small, to being called “small but mighty” whenever I performed a laudable feat. And that irked me some more… Like being “small” is defective; an anomaly.
I discovered that people like to see you based on their perspective.The problem with that is, it may be colored.
For instance, during my undergrad, a colleague of mine saw me from afar, and I could tell that she was in awe of my appearance. That day I was really looking dope. It was the beginning of a school year, I had all the newest pair of clothing item and shoe… I looked as stunning as a law student could manage in black and white… lol.
When she got close, the next thing she said was: “oh it is you, you look okay”. Not that I was fishing for compliments, but her saying you look beautiful, wouldn’t have been out of place.
That day, I realized one thing. The fact that you compliment my appearance doesn’t mean it will improve. Conversely, your not calling me beautiful, for example, will not make me ugly. All the compliment thing is just for politeness sake.
Another angle to this, is when people rate some others as god(dess) in such a way as to belittle their own apperance. That’s another concept I can’t fathom. I genuinely think there are no ugly individuals. Some are more comely than others yeah, but it depends on who’s looking.
Beauty, or how people judge you is based on their superficiality and there is nothing we can actually do about our appearance (I mean genetics).
Generally, there is always a disconnect between how people see you and how you see yourself. There’s often an inflation or aggrandizement one way or the other. In reality, people can only view you to the extent of their prejudices.
Regardless of other individuals’ perception of us, or even our conceptions about ourselves, withal, flawed or accurate, one thing rings true, we all have a tad bit of vanity in us.
The need to be perceived in the most positive light; most acceptable, if not, even above all others. It is mostly accepted that women folk top the charts on the score board of vanity.
Yes, as women, we tend to take appearances pretty seriously. I can almost guess that the first thing Eve did, if we are not going by the big bang theory of evolution, is look at a mirror to check what God missed. You will agree with me though, that this isn’t a plague that ails just women.
Notwithstanding, our apperance isn’t the only thing we are particular about as humans. We also struggle with imagery. How we want to be perceived; how to make an impeccable impression, nine out of ten times.
How we are visualized evolves not just from how we look but also, how we are characterized. Here, more than ever, the struggle is real.
Unlike appearances (discoutenancing surgical alterations), imagery is alterable, it can be improved upon. Underling both, is the need for acceptance. The need to be accepted, to be countenanced, to be popular. Take away this need, and you may live your freest lives yet.
Our need for acceptance varies depending on the yardstick we are using and the extent of our egocentrism. For some, they want to be accepted by any and everybody, others yet, by a select group of persons, for some, by just one special person.
It is on the latter category, that I now expound. When we fall in love, our world begins to revolve around the subject of our affection. Therefore, their opinion counts on everything, no matter how inconsequential.
In many relationships, people fall in love outside their spec. As a result, insecurity abounds. Particularly, in terms of appearance and imagery.
Back to me as a case study, people often compliment me by saying “imagine how you would look if you add just a few more pounds”, “just think of how robust you’d look when you are pregnant”. This has been said to me a lot. Ranging from unsolicited weight gain plan from strangers to well wishers and relatives who gift me dietary supplements. SMH
I don’t hold it against them because I know they mean well and to them, that’s perfection. I couldn’t care less, but I make a show of participating, so I am not perceived as defensive when I say in that same moment: “I will choose this version of me in a thousand lifetimes”.
Being with someone that thinks a future you is better than you now, specifically, in terms of physical appearance, can be draining.
Yet, one may not appreciate the psychological effect until, you meet someone that for them, you are ideal, then, you’d see that all your quirks are just perfect.
There is always an audience that is custom made to adore you. It is as simple as if you are slim, surround yourself with people that appreciate that about you, and vice versa, not people that you have to feel the need to compete with or diminish just to fit in for.
It is tectonic to carve one’s niche in a community, or create one where none exists. Bottom line, go where you are appreciated and leave when respect for your uniqueness is no longer served.
Despite our discomfort, People must be “multi polarous” (a diverse range of human characterization that defies prediction. Coinage, mine) that is, come in different shapes, colors, sizes, behaviour, habits, quirks. And even though we hold our respective biases of what people should look like and be, it won’t change the fact that people just are…
The point is, we can’t all be the same. And even though we know this in our subconscious, why issues like racism, body shaming, xenocentrism, discrimination in all forms still exist, is beyond me. Even so, our struggle to protect our image and appearance for beings already preoccupied with their superficiality and idiosyncrasies is humorous.
We all wear a mask, because we are daunted by ingenuity. What if what we are actively trying to mask, is exactly what we need to be liberated?
Connoisseur of Memories 