WHY DO PEOPLE BREAKUP?

When people start out dating it is always sparks and fireworks; there’s excitement, googly eyes, dopamine high… then, it plateaus and before long, the ecstasy of being in a relationship fades.

Eventually, one has to start reminding one’s self why he/she chose that partner in the first place.

Sure enough, relationships vary in substance and rationale. Some persons enter relationships for fun,  business,  charades, even for flings. And legit, this is okay.

After all, that’s what FWB(friends with benefit) relationships are for. In fact, since this clear, both parties actually enjoy a clean break when the bourne is reached.

The complications actually begins when the relationship was set to sail forever…

Arrgh… I don’t even know how to be objective about this post. All one needs to do is to take a glance at social media platforms to realize that tweets like “men are scum” from eligible feminists are brandished hashtags of avid lovers who’ve been burned.

It begs the question, what happened mid-way? Is it that love fades or imperfections just become more glaring?

In my opinion, developing feelings for a person doesn’t equal commitment. Fealty is actually born out of a resolution to kindle affection.

It is at the commitment phase, that things often go awry. It is easier to love on sunny days, but not everyone can withstand the rain. If anything holds true, it is the fact that we’d be tested based on what we believe. So you say you love somebody, but you still walk away. Why?

Personally, I think they are several motives for exiting a relationship, even perfect relationships. From flimsy excuses like:

to boredom, finding someone else, toxicity, growing apart, indifference, irreconcilable differences, to incompatibility.

Fundamentally, ignorance of one’s self, maybe one of the most definitive causes, amongst others.

By ignorance of one’s self, I mean the  inability to articulate to the minutest detail, your ethical propensity or prediliction, your growth quotient in terms of aspirational goals and ambitions. A vivid and unequivocal analysis of how you want to live your life, devoid of sentimental inflitrations of brainwashed truths. Truths that don’t echo your ideals, but you accept because it is status quo. It is a conundrum of conformity or anomaly… alright, let me get back on track here.

Consequently, it will be impossible to effectively articulate what we need in a partner because we haven’t yet particularized who we are, or what we aspire to be as a result of self awarwness.

Retrospectively, I’d like to quip that we often project onto our partners aspirations we are deficit in ourselves, as this denotes compatibility. Someone to be strong when we are weak; this idea is flawed in the sense that, if we cannot accept our imperfections as a part of who we are, how then can we accept this failings in others?

Furthermore, not being genuine about your values; pretending to be austere, even though you know you’re a very superficial person. How you try not to be bourgeoisie but you’re aware that’s your idiosyncrasy. Basically, being pretentious about who you are for whatever reason, especially fear of being banished by someone you deeply care about.

Sometimes, the why, is as simple as having unresolved issues makes a healthy relationship an anathema , or not having relationship models in the first place, or just the sheer need to be invulnerable.

The truth is, if you are looking for reasons to leave, you’d always find one. Every relationship you begin, has a tenacity to last. The chemistry that brought you together originally is always going to be there if you work at it. This says it better:

Someone once said to me: “two good people can have a bad relationship”. what matters most is having your needs met. Loving is not settlement, it is audacity.

Ultimately, love is messy. There is no right or wrong way to love. Even with the melange of intricate complexities that exist in the name of relationships, you can create your space. It is not going to be easy, but love comes in different colors and sizes. That’s its aesthetic.

Remember, no one is saying leaving is wrong. (I told you it wasn’t gonna be easy being objective😉. This post is about reasons for and not solutions to break up). TTYL. Bella Ciao!